A New Beginning

I have tried really hard to be a consistent blogger, however, I have started to realize how truly difficult it is for me! Thanks for all who are joining me on this journey of change and discovering more about the God we love & serve! In the last couple of days I have felt a huge burden to be more devoted to writing each day or at least a few times of week to share what God is putting on my heart and where God is challenging me.

It seems that the Lord is calling me to take another step into the realm of vulnerability.  But if this is how he will be most glorified then indeed I rejoice! 

A little background on "Surprised by Change":

I came up with the title "Surprised by Change" because it seems to encompass the past few years of life and I'm sure will be the description of many years to come.  My husband, Mike, and I have been married now about 2 1/2 years.  We met in college and were married the summer after I graduated.  Always dreaming of living in New Jersey alongside my Italian-American family and mom (who re-married the Sept. before I was married) I laid down my dream of being in my hometown to follow the Lord's call on Mike's life.  Being a Youth Pastor in VA. It still amazes me to see the boy I fell in love with at college who swore God's plan was for him to share Christ in the business world preaching each week and faithfully following God's will for his life instead of the one he had imagined God having for him.  Leaving my family was one of the most heart-wrenching things I had ever done up to the 22 years of life I had lived when we were married.  Very close to my mom and Dad, leaving my extended family who all have raised their family's close to their parents/siblings, it was a hard start.  It's funny Mike and I never considered living in NJ.  God filled me with enough peace in His plan to never question that moving to VA to join Mike in ministry was what I was to do. A few weeks after our wedding I was preparing to teach 1st grade in a Christian School in the area.  My job was one area I was taking pride in.  I am able to look back now and see many motives of why I took the job.  Besides a love for teaching, one reason was to justify to my family that I had a job to help provide for Mike and I that would help them to be more comfortable with me marrying so young. I was trying to prove myself, which of course was unneeded.  One week before school began I was told that the 13 children I had prepared for would now be 28-30 because of another 1st grade teacher having to suddenly move.  At this same time, I started to become very ill.  I had been diagnosed with an ulcer from that spring through the fall with a few bumps in the road, however, told things were treatable.  By the end of August I was misdiagnosed with a bleeding ulcer. I was told to avoid all stressful situations.  Which led Mike and I to prayer consideration about whether to continue to teaching.  Never having quit anything in my life, the Lord humbled me to my lowest place, having to quit my job for the benefit of my health.  September was a month of stress and pain as we did not know what was causing the pain I was experiencing.  By October I had a procedure done which revealed that I had developed colitis, an incurable disease that causes inflammation in the large intestine.  Although, so much change had occured in such little time: moving from home, graduating from school, being newly married, quitting my job... God continued to teach me that his plans can be trusted.  He provided a job as a teacher's assistant in a classroom for middle school kids with autism that winter which led me to see the love I have to serve those with special needs.  He provided for Mike and I all we needed financially and even gave us the ability to save money for our future despite my lack of income for us.  He showed my family His provision despite what we had experienced.  He gave me the time I needed to adjust to a new home, being a wife, serving in ministry alongside Mike and being away from family.  He also gave me time to search to find what I desire to do for a job and finally 2 years later I am using my English degree to pursue teaching.  There have been many changes along this journey.  Changing jobs.  Following God in obedience despite feelings of... "God, are you sure?" I have to say as tiring as it has been at times it truly has been a blessing in disguise.  Looking back I can say I have been pleasantly "surprised by change" and look forward to the surprises ahead that will only mold me more into the likeness of Christ.  I wish the same for each of you on this journey of "growing up" with me. May you too delight in the hardships and blessings that make up God's plans for you.  He will be faithful! 

Growing up

What a day! I woke up for two hours planning on helping Mike with preparations for NYAID tonight only to fall asleep from 12:30-4:00pm.  I think my body went on strike.  I feel much more rested now and am getting ready for the long night ahead... 10pm-7am... whoa.

Today I was reading in 1 Corinthians 3 about divisions in the church of Corinth.  It is hard to wrap my mind around how there seem to be so many divisions within the church today.  At the same time I recognize the reality Christians still being sinful people (called righteous and holy through Christ alone) coming together to worship God.  We will never be perfect this side of heaven.  This may come as a huge surprise to some.  Or may even be frustrating.  I say this only because I am at heart a perfectionist.  Yes, it is true.  If there was a perfectionist anonymous group I suppose I would join.  But here's what God has taught me.  He doesn't want me to be perfect, he wants me to humble.  He doesn't want me pursue perfection, he wants me to rely on him. In relying on Him I will become more like Him, in becoming more like him I will please him more.   

God is so good knowing that we need help in being the children he desires us to be that he gives us the Holy Spirit who Jesus calls our counselor, a Spirit of power not timidity, a Spirit that helps us love others as Christ has loved us, a Spirit of self-discipline helping us honor God and to have protection from the emptiness of sin by following God's commandments.  

Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 3:1-3 "Brothers, I could not address you as spiritual but as worldly- mere infants in Christ.  I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it.  Indeed you are still not ready.  You are still worldly.  For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you not worldly?"

As I share my relationship with the Lord and my love for the Lord with other people one common thing they share with me is that they have seen so much hypocrisy and pride in the church that they would rather not attend and certainly they do not want to become like the Christians they have seen.  I always remind them that Christians still need forgiveness too.  Christians are not perfect and the one we should all look to as our model is Christ.  However, that doesn't excuse our immaturity as the body of believers.  

We all have a lot of growing up to do.  So let this be a year of the body of Christ being the body of Christ.  Let's put pride aside, walk in the humility Jesus displayed in his life, and be an encouragement not a stumbling block to those searching for the truth.  Let's thank God that we have a counselor to help us grow up!

Happy New Year's!

Called to be holy

2 Timothy 1:9 "...who has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace."

We're not "holy" because we do this or that or do not do this or that.  We aren't holy because we strive to achieve perfection.  We aren't holy for any other reason than Jesus' presence in our lives.  Because of Christ's life laid down and raised up for us we are holy.  I can't be holy apart from Christ by what I do... but I am seen as holy because of Christ. 

What struck me in this verses is that I am called to a holy life. 

to be continued....

How much do you love me?

Exodus 34:6 "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love & faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin."

Deuteronomy 7:8-9 "But it was because the LORD loved you and kept the oath he swore to your forefathers that he brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh King of Egypt.  Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him & keep his commands."  

Deuteronomy 33:12 "About Benjamin, he said: "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

1 Chronicles 16:34 "Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good, his love endures forever."  

Psalm 31:21 "Praise be to the LORD, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city."

Psalm 33:18 "But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love."

Psalm 36:5 "Your love, O LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies."  

Psalm 36:7 "How priceless is your unfailing love!  Both high and low among men find refuge in the shadow of your wings."  

Psalm 37:28 "For the LORD loves the just and will not forsake his faithful ones.  They will be protected forever..."

Deuteronomy 10:12 "And now, O Israel, what does the LORD your God ask of you but to fear the LORD your God, to walk in all his ways, to love him, to serve the LORD your God with all your heart and all your soul and to observe the LORD's commands & decrees that I am giving you today for your own good?"

Faith will bring the better

Mark 2:4-5 "And when they could not get near him because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him, and when they had made an opening, they let down the bed on which the paralytic lay.  And when Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven."

I love these verses.  Here we see the great faith of the paralytic's friends who put forth an extreme effort to bring their friend to Jesus.  Why?  B/C they believed he would heal him.  However, we again see proof of how God's thoughts & ways are often unlike our own (Isaiah 55:8-9).  The man is lowered into the room from the roof, quite a sight to see I'm sure, and Jesus moved by his faith tells him, "Your sins have been forgiven."  In our own ignorance we like the scribes in the room think ... "He's just going to say that he forgives his sins rather than healing him?" We see later of course that Jesus knows our thoughts (how amazing) and perceives our ignorance of his ways.  So he heals the man.  Why?  To show his authority to forgive the mans sins. 

But here's what gets me.  The truth is that Jesus forgiving the man of his sins would have been far better than him ever healing his physical impairment.  The man's faith led to Jesus' forgiveness of His sins... this is a far better blessing for great faith then the latter healing.  As Mike would say... "Can we FATHOM that?"

God blesses our great faith in him to do miracles in our lives.  However, sometimes he will not do as we think he will.  Again, we must be more about loving Jesus then getting things from him.  Jesus will always honor our faith and it's up to us to trust His ways/ His responses to our faith and to know that his blessings are far better.  Our faith will bring us what God has for us.... and that's far better than what we may think.  

It's All About Me

Mark 1:41-45 "Moved with pity, he stretched out his hand and touched him and said to him, "I will; be clean."  And immediately the leprosy left him, and he was made clean.  And Jesus sternly charged him and sent him away at once, and said to him, "See that you say nothing to anyone, but go, show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to them."  But he went out and began to talk freely about it, and to spread the news, so that Jesus could no longer openly enter a town, but was out in desolate places, and people were coming to him from every quarter."

This amazes me.  A man is healed and Jesus tells him not to tell anyone.  This doesn't mesh with what "I think" would be the right move.  I mean Jesus could get major brownie points for heling this man.  People would see his power and know he's God!  But...alas...Jesus is much more wise than I am .... Jesus knows what is in a man.  Jesus wanted the man to be silent so that God the Father would receive the glory due Him, v. 44"...See that you say nothing to anyone, BUT go show yourself to the priest and offer for your cleansing what Moses commanded, for a proof to them."  Jesus wanted God the Father to receive the glory and not himself.  He also, knowing the heart of man, knew the self-centeredness of man.   Verse 46 tells us "Jesus could no longer openly enter a town..." now again, that just doesn't make sense to me! if this man went and told others about Jesus healing him wouldn't this be good publicity for Jesus and the gospel campaign?  

The ESV study bible explains why it wasn't...

"The joy of the healed man overrides Jesus' injunction to silence and therefore Jesus could no longer enter a town, lest he be mobbed.  So Jesus cannot stay hidden. Mark often emphasizes how the crowds' excessive attention to Jesus' miracles is a frequent problem, causing the crowds to miss the true purpose of his ministry (i.e., to proclaim the good news of the kingdom."

We are often like the man healed of leprosy.  In our excitement we go and tell others of what God is doing in our lives (a great thing to do!) however, sometimes,  along the way our proclamation of God's work in our lives becomes more about us getting attention then God receiving glory. Ouch...

Jesus told the man not to tell anyone b/c he knows the heart of a man.  Our hearts want what Jesus can do for us more then him.  The large crowds were a hinderance to Christ because they were seeking him for His miracles rather then for He was ... the Messiah, Immanuel, the Christ, our Savior.

May our lives be less about what we can get from Jesus and more about Jesus. 

When I can't get no satisfaction

The first thing that comes to mind when I hear the Rolling Stones is always my dad.  Back in the day he used to be the lead singer of his college band, "Whoopie," which used to cover stones songs.  The second thing that comes to mind when I think of the Rolling Stones is the song "I Can't Get No Satisfaction."

Now, I know there's more to this song then this one single line, however, this line holds a lot of truth for us all.  We may not be singing this Stones hit as the theme song of our days but we certainly live our lives as if we can't get no satisfaction.  I am convinced the reason we are left unsatisfied is because we are deceived about what it really means to be satisfied to begin with AND we are looking in all the wrong places.

Psalm 107:9 says, "For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."  

Jesus is the answer to our satisfaction. What? I can already hear so many saying this now and I'm not talking about those who don't "know Jesus personally" I am talking about the very children of God!  We, followers of Jesus, are some of the key contributers to the I can't get no satisfaction mentality!  We fall into "I'll have Jesus my way" Burger King like Christianity.  We live like we are running the race marked out for us through a drive-thru! "Excuse me... I know the bible says Jesus satisfies but can I please add a side of short-term conditional love, a size 0 pair of jeans and more money for my wardrobe?"

God says that he satisfies the longing soul.  The longing soul knows that it needs more than the things of this world to be fulfilled.  The longing soul is desperate.  The longing soul has tasted the bland manna and longed for the sweetness of honey and milk from the promised land.  The longing soul wants an unfailing love that won't disappoint.  The longing soul begins to see that it's not about putting forth effort to achieve satisfaction in the things of this world, it's about laying down our efforts to experience the One who does satisfy us in every way.  

The answer: "...He satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things."

God doesn't just satisfy the soul....He satisfies the soul with what is good.  He satisfies the soul with what lasts...himself.